im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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