im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
