did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
