The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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