Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
