Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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