I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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