***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
