Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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