You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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