So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
