Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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