i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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