I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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