I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
