I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
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lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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