I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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