you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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