3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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