I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
