we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
