Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
