Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
