I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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