i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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