Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You were trust falling into bushes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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