Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
