discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
