she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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