So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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