Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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