Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was confusing and full of hummus
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
