i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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