Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
