i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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