Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
