dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
