the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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