Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
