you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
