Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
