Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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