You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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