he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
