I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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