Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
