Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
