I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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