I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
