She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
