I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sobbing to NWA
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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