so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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