Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
