i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
