How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
