I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
