you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
