What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
