You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
