She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
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he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize