it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
