Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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