Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
